If you're happy and you know it

Came across a very interesting TED Talk recently that got me thinking.

It was on Happiness.

Ok, I agree there are plenty of such talks about inspiration, motivation, and determination all leading to how one can be more optimistic and positive but trust me, this was different. (Or maybe I haven't seen any better. Possible)

The talk focused on how we've been conditioned to think that we can only be happy if we are successful. Or simply put, success leads to happiness.

SUCCESS --> HAPPINESS

Well, it’s not a wrong way to look at it. It does to some extent right?

I mean, we are successful and have been successful not once but plenty of times in life. We've been good students, done well academically, excelled in sports, secured great jobs and got decent salaries year on year. So are we happy and in a perpetual state of bliss? The answer should ideally be yes for most of us.

Well for me, I am not so sure. I mean I am happy but occasionally. Not overall, well maybe to some extent. But definitely haven’t hit the point of being a truly happy person in general.

Maybe because as we grow, our benchmarks keep changing. If we've got good marks, next time we aim to get better marks. If we've got a good job, next time we aim to get a better job. If we've received a medal in sports, next time we aim to win more medals and so on and so forth.  

In short, the bar keeps rising, which means our benchmark for happiness keeps rising. And this is what leads to a constant feeling of ‘oh I am not sure if I am truly happy’ and a sense of dissatisfaction.

I feel it sometimes.

But what if there was a way to change this around?

What if we didn't measure our happiness with our success? What if we just decide to be happy? What if we first became happy people and then that happiness is what enables us to be more successful or satisfied in life?

HAPPINESS --> SUCCESS

Hasn't Dalai Lama been saying this for years now? 

Duh, how have I woken up to this so late?

Anyhow, better late than never. It’s definitely worth a try and I've decided to give it a go. How I fare is subjective but at least it’s a start.

This is my plan.

In the next 21 days I am going to challenge myself to try and recondition my mind. It’s quite simple. (This is the action plan from the TED Talk mixed with my interpretation of it)

3 Gratitudes - Every day I will write 3 things I am thankful for. By counting my blessings, I am sure I can train my brain (somewhat) to look at the positive side of things. Well, hopefully.

Journaling – Penning down your thoughts can be quite cathartic, I do it. Sometimes publish it on the blog, sometimes just save it and forget about it. I've been lazy but need to do it more often, or at least attempt to. I am sure there will be a time when I look back at what I 'd written a year ago and laugh at myself for being silly or credit myself for being amazingly sensible.

Exercise – Yes, like most peoples New Year resolutions, this is also mine. I think I went slightly overboard by enrolling myself for Cross fit recently. It’s kind of extreme and I am definitely not the most able performer but I am not giving up. So what if I suck, I am still taking a lap while others are sitting on the couch.

Meditation – Ok this doesn't mean you have to be in a traditional padmasana with eyes shut and the works. Meditation is anything that I can call my ‘Zen’ moment. For me its painting and I plan to pursue it full swing. Not having enough time is not an excuse (note to self)

Random acts of kindness – I completely believe in this. No I am not going to go on and give myself a pat on the back for things I have done but I do believe that day to day things, in fact even the smallest things that bring a smile on someone’s face or makes their lives a bit easier are things anyone can do. I just need to keep at it.

So like I said before, my challenge begins today.

I hope to achieve what I set out to achieve and let’s see if I can be a happier person. Someone who is just happy as a person, overall and one who doesn't succumb to success as a benchmark for their happiness. Definitely need to change that....one day at a time.

Wish me luck.

Rewind: Two Thousand and Thirteen

It's almost New Years.

As I rewind and look back, I must say, I am both shocked and surprised.

January – March: Marriage

2012 ended on a high. After years of hide and seek, Sharan and I finally took the plunge and started a new life. It was different yet fun and we thought we had it all in our little matchbox in Bandra. Life couldn't get better.

What we didn't realize was that this was just a beginning.

April – May: The Grand Holiday

We grew up on the big American dream, Sharan more than me and the idea was to finally live it. As we went from coast to coast, we also went through a shift subconsciously.  It was in Indianapolis, in a friend’s backyard when it hit us.

We had our lives planned, we were ok with the drudgery of our day to day lives and were happy with it but somehow it just didn't add up. Travel had changed our perspective.

There was so much more to living and exploring than just the routine we were used to. Something was amiss.

Sharan was in talks for an opportunity in Indonesia at the same time. Though unsure about the role, place, my career opportunities and the fact that we didn't know anyone there, at that moment in that backyard in Indianapolis, we decided to take it up.

For people like us who never lived out, never took risks and lived life in a pattern, this was new.

Well, what’s life without a little adventure, we thought.

July - September: Indonesia

July came with two milestones. I turned 30 and the very next day Sharan left for Jakarta. I will never understand or relate to how he must've felt that night at the airport. Everyone close to us was there, to say goodbye and to wish well. To leave all this behind and venture into the unknown; it was a burst of emotions.

It was also heart breaking to leave our first house together, it was our little home, it was a place for friends, it’s where we had the most fun and made some memories.

I think Sharan and I even had a moment where we were more upset about leaving that house than moving away!

September – December: Selamat Datang Di Jakarta

As expected, I quit my job to join Sharan in Jakarta. This was difficult. Of all the jobs I’ve had, Cartoon Network will always stay close to my heart. It was MY brand, a brand I loved, lived and breathed and a place where I made some lifelong friendships. It was sad but maybe it was time.

September 9 was my first day in Jakarta.

I got here with no expectations and God, was I surprised. Suddenly, all stereotypes were broken. For a majority Muslim population, the city is not at all conservative. It’s advanced, has brilliant public transportation, a large expat population, plethora of quaint cafes, restaurants, extremely polite people and world class facilities. I could go on. Seriously.

New city came with new challenges. But that was also the best part.  We figured everything from the scratch, house, maid, language, jobs, culture, places, food and it’s only been an endless discovery.  

In the process, we met people.

New people, interesting people, fun people, people from different backgrounds, nationalities, cultures and people who made Jakarta home for us.

Don’t know why we never made enough effort to meet new people back home. Should have.

December – till date: A year’s gone by

Many years ago, in a random conversation, Sharan had asked me a question – What do you really want to do?

I want to quit my job, paint, travel, see the world, I answered.

This year, I quit my job, painted and traveled. Literally from one end of the world to the other.

Though shaky, together we took a chance, explored, threw caution to the wind and experimented, failed and succeeded at times but on the way discovered the new ‘new’ and lived the new ‘new’.

And now, as we approach our first anniversary, I can't help but think of what our wedding invite said ".....vow to each other a lifetime of fun, laughter and random misadventures". 

It's funny how we are staying true to that. 

Tell me why?

• It’s awesome to have a work-life balance. But what if you become too comfortable doing what you’re doing? Is it a sign to move on?
• Do you have to be “mentally prepared” to get married? Or is it just a matter of circumstances?
• Is there a right age to do something? What if I want to pack my bags and move to another country to start afresh at the age of 35?
• Is it ok to quit without having a plan or enough saving? Why can’t you just pursue your hobby all your life?
• Do you have to share EVERYTHING with your close friends? Will they think any less of you if you keep some things to yourself?
• Is it important to fill awkward silences just to make everyone comfortable?
• Do you have to constantly tell your parents you care about them/love them? Can’t it be understood?
• Why is it important to have a sense of direction in life? Its all about trials and errors isnt it?
• Is it right to worry about the society or what people think? No matter how much we deny it, why does it bother us so much?
• Sometimes, why do we take so long in getting what we really want in life? Is it a test of patience of or do we not deserve it at a given time?
• Its one life to live, one life to love then shouldnt we be happy all the time? Then why arent we?

Make Money, Its Navratri!!

A group of little girls, dressed in their best Indian finery greeted me as I was climbing up the stairs today. Giggling and pulling each other’s leg they were anxiously counting the money they made at my neighbours house.

I smiled, waved out and turned around to see them rush into another house.

Rewind 20 years and I would have been one of them.

Here’s why:

Two days prior to Dusshera are Ashtami and Navami....... days when all young girls popularly known as Kanjaks are welcomed into the house, treated as reincarnations of goddess Durga, worshipped, made to eat appetizing chana, puri, halwa and yes, given money as a token of love and appreciation.

These two days the girls visit one house after the other like little princesses, getting pampered and calculating who made more money than the other. Of course, the girls are too young to understand the religious sentiments behind this age old custom. No wonder, I feel extremely ashamed now having told one my aunts “woh wali aunty ne aap se zyaada paise diye” Sheeeshhhh I was cheap!!!

But for me and all girls that age, it’s a fantastic holiday, it’s time to be showered with love, blessings, appreciation, LOTS OF MONEY and a time to get mollycoddled like never before J

I used to make some good money too. Close to 200 bucks in two days. Can you imagine what that kind of money would mean to a 7 year old?

We girls used to then pool in our collection and visit the oh-so-magnificent-out of bounds-food paradise called Nirula’s. The thought of visiting Nirula’s, a restaurant strictly meant ONLY for SPECIAL occasions and relishing the tomato soup, dal makhani, naan and mushroom capsicum onion pizza all sponsored by someone else’s money was sort of a cheap thrill but hey, who cares? I didn’t care then, I wouldn’t care now!

This WAS a BIG deal for us and we felt these two days just belonged to us – no studies, no punishments, no discipline, no chores, nothing. A full blown tribute to girl power. Yay!  

Meeting these tiny tots trotting down the stairs today, I couldn’t help but smile to myself reminiscing those innocent childhood days. I was glad that in an age when kids seem to outsmart their parents and are far more advanced, knowledgeable, savvy than what we were...something’s still remain the same.

And I hope, they always do. Happy Navratri everyone! J

Navratri, Lokhandwala Durga Puja Pandal

 

Big Loss

What’s happening to reality television? Why do we have Abbas Kazmi and Rahul Bhatt discussing Kasab and Headley in a full blown national telecast of Big Boss?

Yes, it’s revealing and people will watch. Good for Colors, good for TRPs, but good for the nation? I don’t think so.

Endemol (the production house) and Colors should have noted that both Kasab and Headley cases are pending to be resolved and putting participants such as Kazmi and Bhatt on a show where every conversation, every gesture and every move is captured is neither socially, politically or morally correct. Definitely not in the interest of the nation when you have secrets and insider info getting publicized.

I don’t think there is a dearth of participants. There are many desperate actors/politicians/models who want to appear on the show so why pick such disposed participants?

Controversy does well for a show especially when you have Kazmi and Bhatt discussing details of their cases in the very first episode. Needless to say, one knows what to expect in the future episodes....it’ll ensure eyeballs and tune ins but do we really need to be this selfish?

I belong to the television industry and understand there is stiff competition, the battle for the No.1 spot in the weekly TAM data is killer and one constantly tries to put the best show forward but at the end of the day, you would stand to be a responsible channel or wouldn’t you?

Maybe not.

Because at the end of the day, top bosses only hold you accountable for profit and loss which Colors has ensured with its choice of participants. It’ll definitely get better numbers with an added topping of Dabangg Salman Khan versus Amitabh Bachchan’s KBC on Sony versus any other daily show on STAR or Zee.

Colors can be assured that reality hungry viewers will unquestionably watch Big Boss over all other channels. Even though the other fellow contestants are the average Joe of telly land or Bhojpuri cinema or wannabe Pakistani soap opera queens, its Kazmi and Bhatt who would keep the interest going. (Lets see how the data appears week on week)   

I truly believe this is a Big loss for sensitive national issues BUT who cares?

Yes, I am a Chicken

There are phobias and there are some more phobias.

Common or uncommon these primal fears disturb us at a psychological level and very rare do we have enough guts to overcome the source of such frights.

I have one too which Bill Watterson captures very well –

Oh, blood-red eyes and tentacles!

Throbbing, pulsing, ventricles!

Mucus-oozing pores and frightful claws!

Worse in terms of outright scariness,

Are the suckers multifarious

That grab and force you in its mighty jaws!

No it’s not the fear of ghosts or darkness or animals or monsters or the unknown but funny as it may seem I am afraid rather petrified rather scared stiff rather terrified of chicken/hens/or whatever else these beastly creatures are known as.

It might sound irrational, stupid even ridiculous as many of my friends put it except the truth is – the phobia exists and I am suffer from it! 

Not sure whether I was born with it however it became extremely clear one Sunday morning when I followed my Grandpa to the local market to buy chicken. The excitement promptly vanished in thin air as soon as I saw the butcher catch the chicken by its neck, slit the throat, slaughter it and throw the headless chicken in a tub where it fluttered its wings before giving up the final fight. I was HORRIFIED. In fact, I can’t even recollect my return journey home carrying the same pieces of chicken in a black polythene bag.

Needless to say, it was my first and last visit to a butcher’s shop. Till date, I haven’t stepped foot in any.

The fear grew incessantly over the years to the extent that if a spot a chicken anywhere...just about anywhere, I start suffering from breathlessness, dizziness, dry mouth, nausea,  heart palpitations, inability to speak or think clearly, a fear of dying, losing control or even a full blown anxiety attack.

As a kid when I visited our ancestral village, I’ve made dad carry me around throughout our stay because I was scared of the awful, fearsome, foul chickens roaming around...looking at me with blood shot eyes, telling me in their own sinister way that I was an intruder in their territory.

All these years, I have made people change tracks if I see a chicken anywhere. I shut my eyes tight if I happen to cross a chicken van, if I am travelling by a cab/auto I have shouted at the driver asking them to stay as far as possible if there is a chicken van nearby, I have made them miss signals, I have made them stop & wait till the chicken van passes by while they wonder what kind of psycho passenger am I.  

What do I do? They are SCARY and I strongly believe that the chickens are out there to get me, attack me, kill me and take some kind of revenge. (I have seriously considered past life regression to figure if I had something to do with chickens in my previous life)

The terror is to so enormous that if someone wants me dead, all they have to do is get a chicken close to me. That’s it, it’ll do it. That too, in less than 1 minute.

(See how easy it is for someone to kill me and this is NOT a joke)

THE KILLER CHICKEN

For the longest time I thought and others made me believe that such a fear doesn’t exist and maybe I am the ONLY one who’s making it up in my psychosomatic mind. But with a little bit of digging on Google, I figured that a phobia of chicken DOES exist and I am NOT the only one has it (Thank God)

It’s known as Alektorophobia and yes, I am an Alektorophobe.

Is there a way to overcome it? Yes but it’s quite an irony actually.

Although I am a chicken when it comes to chicken, I am a hardcore non vegetarian and I happily devour chicken. Guess over time I’ve realised that I am helpless in making them disappear from the face of the earth so might as well eat them up!

What do you think? For me, it’s easier than participating in Khatron Ke Khiladi!

Calling Me? Not Yet!

Very often when you meet new acquaintances, the No.1 question to hit you is “What do you do?” and depending on how or what you answer, they either feel delighted or give you a dismissive smile while forming a quick opinion about you.

The “answer” in this case is what you do to earn your daily bread and the reason why, is because we live in a world where we are defined almost entirely by our work (Is it correct? I don’t agree)

Well, there is nothing wrong with it either. In fact it can be quiet cathartic for people who are happily/gainfully employed. Except the dilemma for people like me is that most of us still don’t know whether what we do = what we are truly meant to do. (I like my job but do I see myself doing it all through my life? Yes.....No....Oh...maybe)

People in this category (including me) can be labelled as people who are still searching or waiting for their “TRUE CALLING” – is it a sign? Is it supposed to be an intuition? Or is it something I like to do but am not 100% sure of? (I don’t know)

My guess is, this so-called “true calling” has evaded me or even if it knocked on my door, by the time I unlocked my mind block, unchained my head from wriggling doubts and finally sprinted towards what I thought was calling out...it grew impatient and turned its back on me. (Alas)

So in short, I think I missed it.

Shouldn’t I have intuited what I should be doing with my life long before I finished my education and took up a job? Because that’s when you actually start chalking out your future and figure what your calling is, isn’t it? Or could the term just be an ILLUSION or an expression that some new-age spiritual leader came up with and now everyone keeps talking about?

Not that I haven’t searched for it.

I’ve dabbled in more than a couple of things – drawing, painting, craft (basically, everything art related), worked with a NGO for under privileged children as a volunteer teacher, worked as an HR intern with a 5-Star hotel, done my bachelors in mass media thinking I would get into advertising, followed by a post graduation where I thought I must give retail a shot or get into Petro because I did my summers in one of the biggest Oil & Gas company and envied the wonderful PSU work (leisure) culture. And as of today, I work in the broadcast industry. Did I find my calling? I am not sure.

May be thinking about a fulfilling vocation has its own issues. Concerns about money, savings and security have curtailed options that would otherwise seem joyous. I want to be a wanderer but who will sponsor my travel? I want to be painter but will I be able to make enough? The question has become more evolved – what is my true calling and how much money will make to sustain a comfortable life? I want to find my calling but I want it with my own terms and conditions.  

So there is me versus the blessed few who make their working life, the centre of their happiness. It’s actually a very ambitious belief: can you be in a job and be really happy? Or can you be happy without the drudgery of a regular job? It is a profound thought and I still haven’t been able to comprehend it.

Thus, for those who are still searching for answers, let’s start thinking about our aptitudes, open up to sources from where we derive a purpose – writing poetry, driving a go-kart, cleaning the neighbourhood, getting married or playing cricket. Or like me, try solving self assuring online quizzes like: what are you truly meant to do, find your purpose in life, what is your true calling, find your real talent etc. Hopefully that will help.

And yet, if nothing gives us an answer then may be in the end, we the nincompoops should satisfy ourselves with the answer to who am I meant to be...is the same person who keeps asking this question!