If you're happy and you know it

Came across a very interesting TED Talk recently that got me thinking.

It was on Happiness.

Ok, I agree there are plenty of such talks about inspiration, motivation, and determination all leading to how one can be more optimistic and positive but trust me, this was different. (Or maybe I haven't seen any better. Possible)

The talk focused on how we've been conditioned to think that we can only be happy if we are successful. Or simply put, success leads to happiness.

SUCCESS --> HAPPINESS

Well, it’s not a wrong way to look at it. It does to some extent right?

I mean, we are successful and have been successful not once but plenty of times in life. We've been good students, done well academically, excelled in sports, secured great jobs and got decent salaries year on year. So are we happy and in a perpetual state of bliss? The answer should ideally be yes for most of us.

Well for me, I am not so sure. I mean I am happy but occasionally. Not overall, well maybe to some extent. But definitely haven’t hit the point of being a truly happy person in general.

Maybe because as we grow, our benchmarks keep changing. If we've got good marks, next time we aim to get better marks. If we've got a good job, next time we aim to get a better job. If we've received a medal in sports, next time we aim to win more medals and so on and so forth.  

In short, the bar keeps rising, which means our benchmark for happiness keeps rising. And this is what leads to a constant feeling of ‘oh I am not sure if I am truly happy’ and a sense of dissatisfaction.

I feel it sometimes.

But what if there was a way to change this around?

What if we didn't measure our happiness with our success? What if we just decide to be happy? What if we first became happy people and then that happiness is what enables us to be more successful or satisfied in life?

HAPPINESS --> SUCCESS

Hasn't Dalai Lama been saying this for years now? 

Duh, how have I woken up to this so late?

Anyhow, better late than never. It’s definitely worth a try and I've decided to give it a go. How I fare is subjective but at least it’s a start.

This is my plan.

In the next 21 days I am going to challenge myself to try and recondition my mind. It’s quite simple. (This is the action plan from the TED Talk mixed with my interpretation of it)

3 Gratitudes - Every day I will write 3 things I am thankful for. By counting my blessings, I am sure I can train my brain (somewhat) to look at the positive side of things. Well, hopefully.

Journaling – Penning down your thoughts can be quite cathartic, I do it. Sometimes publish it on the blog, sometimes just save it and forget about it. I've been lazy but need to do it more often, or at least attempt to. I am sure there will be a time when I look back at what I 'd written a year ago and laugh at myself for being silly or credit myself for being amazingly sensible.

Exercise – Yes, like most peoples New Year resolutions, this is also mine. I think I went slightly overboard by enrolling myself for Cross fit recently. It’s kind of extreme and I am definitely not the most able performer but I am not giving up. So what if I suck, I am still taking a lap while others are sitting on the couch.

Meditation – Ok this doesn't mean you have to be in a traditional padmasana with eyes shut and the works. Meditation is anything that I can call my ‘Zen’ moment. For me its painting and I plan to pursue it full swing. Not having enough time is not an excuse (note to self)

Random acts of kindness – I completely believe in this. No I am not going to go on and give myself a pat on the back for things I have done but I do believe that day to day things, in fact even the smallest things that bring a smile on someone’s face or makes their lives a bit easier are things anyone can do. I just need to keep at it.

So like I said before, my challenge begins today.

I hope to achieve what I set out to achieve and let’s see if I can be a happier person. Someone who is just happy as a person, overall and one who doesn't succumb to success as a benchmark for their happiness. Definitely need to change that....one day at a time.

Wish me luck.

Tell me why?

• It’s awesome to have a work-life balance. But what if you become too comfortable doing what you’re doing? Is it a sign to move on?
• Do you have to be “mentally prepared” to get married? Or is it just a matter of circumstances?
• Is there a right age to do something? What if I want to pack my bags and move to another country to start afresh at the age of 35?
• Is it ok to quit without having a plan or enough saving? Why can’t you just pursue your hobby all your life?
• Do you have to share EVERYTHING with your close friends? Will they think any less of you if you keep some things to yourself?
• Is it important to fill awkward silences just to make everyone comfortable?
• Do you have to constantly tell your parents you care about them/love them? Can’t it be understood?
• Why is it important to have a sense of direction in life? Its all about trials and errors isnt it?
• Is it right to worry about the society or what people think? No matter how much we deny it, why does it bother us so much?
• Sometimes, why do we take so long in getting what we really want in life? Is it a test of patience of or do we not deserve it at a given time?
• Its one life to live, one life to love then shouldnt we be happy all the time? Then why arent we?

Calling Me? Not Yet!

Very often when you meet new acquaintances, the No.1 question to hit you is “What do you do?” and depending on how or what you answer, they either feel delighted or give you a dismissive smile while forming a quick opinion about you.

The “answer” in this case is what you do to earn your daily bread and the reason why, is because we live in a world where we are defined almost entirely by our work (Is it correct? I don’t agree)

Well, there is nothing wrong with it either. In fact it can be quiet cathartic for people who are happily/gainfully employed. Except the dilemma for people like me is that most of us still don’t know whether what we do = what we are truly meant to do. (I like my job but do I see myself doing it all through my life? Yes.....No....Oh...maybe)

People in this category (including me) can be labelled as people who are still searching or waiting for their “TRUE CALLING” – is it a sign? Is it supposed to be an intuition? Or is it something I like to do but am not 100% sure of? (I don’t know)

My guess is, this so-called “true calling” has evaded me or even if it knocked on my door, by the time I unlocked my mind block, unchained my head from wriggling doubts and finally sprinted towards what I thought was calling out...it grew impatient and turned its back on me. (Alas)

So in short, I think I missed it.

Shouldn’t I have intuited what I should be doing with my life long before I finished my education and took up a job? Because that’s when you actually start chalking out your future and figure what your calling is, isn’t it? Or could the term just be an ILLUSION or an expression that some new-age spiritual leader came up with and now everyone keeps talking about?

Not that I haven’t searched for it.

I’ve dabbled in more than a couple of things – drawing, painting, craft (basically, everything art related), worked with a NGO for under privileged children as a volunteer teacher, worked as an HR intern with a 5-Star hotel, done my bachelors in mass media thinking I would get into advertising, followed by a post graduation where I thought I must give retail a shot or get into Petro because I did my summers in one of the biggest Oil & Gas company and envied the wonderful PSU work (leisure) culture. And as of today, I work in the broadcast industry. Did I find my calling? I am not sure.

May be thinking about a fulfilling vocation has its own issues. Concerns about money, savings and security have curtailed options that would otherwise seem joyous. I want to be a wanderer but who will sponsor my travel? I want to be painter but will I be able to make enough? The question has become more evolved – what is my true calling and how much money will make to sustain a comfortable life? I want to find my calling but I want it with my own terms and conditions.  

So there is me versus the blessed few who make their working life, the centre of their happiness. It’s actually a very ambitious belief: can you be in a job and be really happy? Or can you be happy without the drudgery of a regular job? It is a profound thought and I still haven’t been able to comprehend it.

Thus, for those who are still searching for answers, let’s start thinking about our aptitudes, open up to sources from where we derive a purpose – writing poetry, driving a go-kart, cleaning the neighbourhood, getting married or playing cricket. Or like me, try solving self assuring online quizzes like: what are you truly meant to do, find your purpose in life, what is your true calling, find your real talent etc. Hopefully that will help.

And yet, if nothing gives us an answer then may be in the end, we the nincompoops should satisfy ourselves with the answer to who am I meant to be...is the same person who keeps asking this question!